What the h*** is my problem....

No Seriously!!!  The last several weeks I've felt like absolute crap.  Just really tired, no motivation to do anything and just an overall sense of blah.  (I've had to magically conjure up some motivation from somewhere, not sure where it comes from) The last few months have been filled with "gitt'r done" kinds of tasks.  Its been an overwhelming pile of do this, do that, dont forget those.  Loads of work to get simple things going, like kids in school.  And then theres this overwhelming nagging to get together with friends because I don't want them to think I've forgotten them. All the while burning myself out.  I've always loved being a mom and doing tons of things with my kids, museums, hiking, water parks, bike riding.  But I'm just not enjoying that much either.  I feel like I could sleep for weeks, yet when I lay down I can't get to sleep and when I do, my sleep is full of crazy dreams that make me feel like I'm not asleep at all. You know the ones??

I have three amazing yet challenging special needs kids who need me ALL the time.  We have doctors appointments, specialists, OT, Speech, Early Intervention, SARC, school testing, school meetings, orientations.  At some point my head is going to straight up explode.  They are so smart and I'm so proud of them.  I feel unintelligent in their presence most of the time.  Nothing like getting corrected by your 9yo and not knowing enough about the topic to ascertain whether he's right or not.  Sometimes it gets on my nerves.  

Tonight I had to cancel dinner with an awesome friend.  I felt like poop and I didn't want to pass on my 'mood' to her.  She's so positive and just full of awesomeness, I felt a bit less than worthy of being honored by her presence.  I'm sure it would have made me feel better in the end, but having to expose her to my 'mood' wasn't something I felt I should do to her.

I'm sure all this plus the added stress of walking away from some family that has been less than encouraging in the past two years, and the upcoming anniversary of my mom passing has added to the already overwhelming lack of peace.  Still after four years I think, 'Oh I should call mom and tell her about blah'.  Only to realize Mom doesn't have a phone and isn't here to call.  So I call my friend.  But she has way to much on her own plate to deal with, her own family, her own set of stuff like the rest of us.  So I sit here, at Baja Fresh and Blog.  Hoping that I can pull out of my head all the crazy thoughts, stress, annoyances, and in the end I  will feel just a lil bit better.